THEN

I am a man shaped by a life in the western United States. A culturally feral, violent, and linguistically self-isolated ranching family in SW Colorado steeped me, from birth, in a brine of conservative, anti-government, and social anonymity. This was reinforced daily by my Agüelo (grandfather in Judeo-Spanish) who ruled his family with an iron fist that gradually eroded into one of clay as family members slipped away from his grasp. Yet it was he, in-spite of his rigidity and contradictions, who supported thinking in different ways. My thoughts were and are now influenced, textured, and colored by my Agüelo, my ethnic and cultural roots (Sephardic), my family, and the Colorado Plateau where I was born, grew up, and where I return to deeply breath the magic in the air and the stories on stone panels.  My roots are imbedded in the dry soil of the Plateau where my tracks criss-cross the landscape from alpine tundra to desert shrub. These disparate stimuli, human and landscape, have informed a personal metamorphosis, curiosity, and slaked a consuming thirst for learning new things. What I have learned has brought about my change from a narrowly focused world-view to who I am today; still a western born man but transformed from an agricultural and working class culture--through a blue-dog Democratic phase--and into my current reality populated by left of center thoughts. 

NOW

Slowly, after knocking my head against many walls, I started to see that there was something beyond the mental muck I seemed to be stalled in. What has changed my viewpoint? In the past decade or more, it’s family. Do we all agree? Do we aggravate each other?  Do we all care for each other? Yes I think we do. Speaking only for myself. I love them all unequivocally—Shen, my life partner, my seven children and partners/spouses, and eleven grandkids who have put up with my crap all these years. The grandchildren, six girls and five boys are equally loved and cherished on a scale of seven to ten on any given day.

I never thought I would have this many children (four from Shen's clutch and my three) and certainly never thought that I would have grandchildren. I'm an ecologist. I am concerned about the future; over-population, climate change, aggressively adaptive viruses, GMO's, political expediency etc. I told all of my children that there were many kids already on the planet who needed love, family, and inclusion. And I told them that if the chose to adopt I would love these children regardless of genetics. When my son Jake and his wife Kat gave me a father's day card over a decade ago, I was puzzled, confused by the message. My son said: "Dad, don't you get it? You're going to be a grandfather!" A strange and primordial feeling happened. I pumped my fist up and down in glee and said: "Oh yah! Gene pool!" Then the tears started. 

Bottom line: in spite of myself I'm a work in progress who’s been influenced by time, family, environment, politics, and genetics! I have become very concerned about the future, not mine because that end is cast in stone even though the date has yet to be chiseled! It is the future our grandchildren and their grandchildren given the harsh political, social, and environmental environment we seem to be trending to. Change is unpredictable but has happened on this rock since it formed from dust billions of years ago and will continue until the planet is space dust again. Not having been given a working crystal ball or third-eye insight my worry for my grandchildren’s future and my writing is based on my past, current political, social, and environmental conditions. But I’m an optimist and a realist, and I haven’t foreclosed on hope or humanity. Enjoy this blog and think for yourself! Be gentle on family, friends, and skeptics.